Looking through our site, I see we’ve already reviewed 1991 Balblairs twice. One might easily say that the third time is the charm, and finally we’ll give a review that makes sense, but some explanation is required: To wit, one of the reviewed 1991’s was a Gordon & (epic) MacPhail that was carefully tended by G&M, aged in one of their casks in one of their facilities. The other previously-reviewed 1991 was released in 2009, a mere—dare I say ‘pitiful;?—eighteen years old. Sure, it could vote in elections and the like, and we loved it, but that year was just getting started. The 1991 that is the subject of this review was released this very year, 2018, making it mature, ready for marriage; a distinguished 27 year-old.
The nose is an entirely new universe where the elementary particles are Eiswine, caramelized lemon meringue pie, coconut and mango toffee cookies, with stars emitting starfruit nectar instead of heat. It’s turned me into a heliotrope. Like the sunflower, my head swivels to follow my glass. It’s so powerful that the main peloton of the Tour de France whizzed by, and not only did I fail to notice them, but the Balblair 1991 wiped out the Lycra™ stank more effectively than Febreze®.
The mouth is like surviving falling into a black hole. Holy cow, it’s amazing! John encourages me to use my words instead of just hitting surrounding objects, but now my nervous system has been taken over by it. It’s a more focused mouth, bringing into clarity even more mangoes and more curry, albeit this time slathered on tandoori rack of lamb + potato chips. There’s more starfruit, albeit this time mixed with kiwi juice into a concocted tale told by…what’s that, Stephen? Oh, mixed into a cocktail…Got it. There are also GMO lemons made with amino acid rather than citric. Zesting them produces lemon bicep curls, which seems improbable, but there you have it. It’s like pot de creme made from bread pudding, Yo Yo Ma’s sound check at Carnegie Hall, and Marvelous Marvin Hagler singing Boom Boom Pow. The dessert evoked here would break so many molds, be so iconoclastic, that 3-star Michelin restaurants would be afraid to serve it.
The finish moves gingerly, like a tipsy dolphin, towards a coffee brownie mouthgasm. It erupts in the back of the mouth, leaving behind only color-changing cuttlefish. It doesn’t follow directly from the nose and mouth, yet the syllogism proves its validity by refuting John thusly. (John’s thesis was that it was waxy and chalky; he coined the portmanteau word “chaxy.” My thesis is that John’s Grandfather Clock recently tipped over onto his head, and he hasn’t been the same since.) It’s complex, yet uncomplicated.
On the scale of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies–
The Balblair 1991 3rd Release (1991-2018), is Conan the Balblairian–It made him an international star, it had one of the greatest time-lapse montage scenes ever, and it had the following exchange:
Mongol General: What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
Oh yeah, and James Earl Jones played a giant snake. Boom!
–Our thanks to Balblair for the sample!