Imagine a cigar dipped in apple cider and molasses, and then smoked by St. Nick in the early morning of December 25th. The nose of this dram is redolent with the satisfaction of work well done. There are tantalizing spices too: cedarwood, sandalwood, Ed Wood. I feel like I’m at an upscale pub that specializes in port and petit fours, very far indeed from the beer halls and grog dens.
On the mouth, this is hot! It’s like the hottest of hot takes told with the intention of exploding Twitter. There’s more molasses in in here, but with a vigorous, almost vinegar-like bite surrounding things. Consider a vast market place that has had its rabble roused to the breaking point. But sooner than seems possible, peace prevails and populist furor recedes. A hearts of palm salad is passed around on tiny plates, with wilted dandelions braided like bridal lace with slivers of almonds strewn in it. Then there appear warming stews of the most fortifying sort. Placards and pitchforks now begin begin to litter the cobblestones. Then the promised petit fours, with such variation that you never see the same one twice, served on a banana leaves folded into seven-point stars. Now the crowd’s voice is raised again, but this time in gratitude. My taste buds join this chorus and cry out with happiness.
The finish turns my song into wordless lowing, for it is a serious monster that the town needs to deal with, and I want to pacify it without revealing my own weaknesses. This, I now realize, is what is feel like to have your tongue come out of deep anesthesia after superbuds have been implanted in you by a mad doctor. I am now Funes the Memorious, except more like his cousin, Thad the Tastetorious, able to taste all tastes in the most taste-tastic way.
On the scale of Ed Wood screenplay titles that was later changed when the movie appeared–
The Glenkinchie 24 Year 2016 Limited Edition is The Racket Queen (which was released under the title The Sinister Urge)–I have a sinister urge to continue pouring out glassfuls of this and trying to slay the monster on the finish. But no matter the name, this is a special release indeed.
–Our thanks to Diageo for the sample!