The Balmenach 8 Year 2007 from The Exclusive Malts

Tasting notes: 
Who’s cooking emu burgers? And is that a brioche moonlighting as a bun? I personally wouldn’t have thought to add cherry compote, sour cheese, and marigolds…but then again, I’m only a 1-star Michelin chef, you know? Why has the Department of Labor engaged in protracted negotiations and contract reviews with my sous chef? And who put Raspberry Snapple into my glass? (Can this review consist only of interrogatives? Why or why not?)

Who manufactures chrysanthemum-flavored oral anesthetics? How did my tongue get the autonomy to take the Big Round “Oh, Yeah!” Kool Aid Guy hostage, and why is it demanding a ransom of beryllium ingots and yellow cake batter?

Does candied gun powder work only in cap guns? Can rhino-injected apples be converted naturally and organically into rhino-poetry? Where do this vague sense of regret come from? Should I never have gone to the Culinary Institute of America, but rather gotten that MD or become a CPA?