The Cragganmore 25 Year 2014 Limited Edition

Tasting notes:
You, sir, are the first to have a look at–and the first right of refusal to buy–this heretofore undiscovered cache of paintings by the legendary Viennese artist Gustav Klimt. This set of paintings we’re calling Klimt’s Fruit Smoothie because he apparently cranked these all out in an amphetamine-induced fury–all in one weekend–and kept no track of the order in which he produced them. Also, after he painted the last one, it seems he slept for six days and then never painted another fruit again. In other words, this is the Smoothie to end all fruit. Shall we begin?

We open with “Clove-Studded Lemon in a Tuxedo Shirt Arrangement,” or “Gewürznelkezitrone in Smokinghemd.” Look at how rich and lively it is: it could be set in Key West or some other exotic location dotted with Birds of Paradise. The next is a smaller canvas, and it’s titled, “Mango Chapstick.” The title here defies translation, as does the smell it evokes. Next is “Eight pre-Columbian Fruits Fermenting in a Mortar Bowl,” or “Acht Vor-Kolumbianisch Früchte gärenden in Schlüssen.” Exquisite and like nothing else you’ve ever experienced.

Turn into the next gallery, and you’ll find this wonder, “Light Mouth that Dances Delicately to a Violin Quintet while Experiencing Paleo Diet Fruits,” or “Flüchtig.” Tremendous, isn’t it? It’s like a tantalus fruit: one you never got a hold of. As with all Klimt paintings, there is a lot of gold, iridescence, and love here.

In this last little alcove, you’ll see the very small, but exquisite “Finish Goes Fast because Bill Swallowed It So Quickly,” or “Prost!” Next to it you will find, “Caramel Orange Storm Front Building to a Thunder Head of Fortified Orange Juice,” or “Das OJ.” Lovely, isn’t it? It’s almost waxy, so lovely. Yes, any one of these–or all of them–can be had at the exorbitant sort of price you’d expect from a collection of this heft. Consider carefully and take it all in. Herein lie one of a kind treasures.

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