The Auchentoshan American Oak

Tasting notes: 
     Resinous lemon wood cut into long, double-barreled flutes for satyrs.  A perfume for elven maidens who ride fawns in the deep forest dells.  Moldy oranges stuffed into Polish cannon and shot over housetops.  A mink coat, but made with living minks by a short-lived separatist sect of PETA.
     The mouth is contra dancing at the Grand Ole Opry. [Stephen: As am I. Just vote NO! …to dancing at the Grand Ole Opry.] Perfume again, but little girl perfume used by little girls (which is to say liberally, to put it conservatively).  Floor wax congealed into poker chips and used as shims to keep a window open.  It looks out over fields of marigolds that catch the sun just so.  Refreshing.  A good whisky for after mowing the lawn. 
     The finish is as spicy as being stuck in an escalator with your paramour.  [Bill: John, you mean elevator, right?]  Shoe polish for officer candidate school.   Enough wood to would spoil chardonnay, but which here seems to hit the Goldilocks level of just rightness.  American Oak, I see on the label.  My tastebuds start up a chant of USA!  USA!