I’m sitting in the lowboy of my hot towel in the NSA, fresh from a safari, writing this revamp of the Springback iOs on my iFun. Wait! This autocorrect is killing me! I’m sitting in the *lobby* of my *hotel* in the *RSA* writing a *review* of the *Springbank 10*. Sure I saw some spring books—and dick dicks, too. I mean *springboks* and *dik diks*! Crap, this is culling me. Look, I’m jest gong to rite this, because it’s diving me crazy to hand correct the autocorrect.
The nosh is barney, like a silt lock in a pasture or like Roaming salt persevered in an old glass bar buried in a lady gaga. *Lilac garden* There are blowing thrill ringing an operation. Aaaugh! *Glowing krill singing an opera* White caramel—white supremacist caramel, raised that way in an ignorant handhold. *Household* We also get deeply ripe oranges, grapeboobs, and Mars panties. *sigh* Beyond that, Sweet Caporal tobacco, cream doh month, and brown cowshit pearls. *Cultured pearls* Sparrow bone marrow extricated with a Wedelstaedt chisel and made into a top lemonade. *Tapenade!* It’s understated, yet hyperbolic at the shame crime: Grandiose self-effacement. It’s thin and spacy and right: Snoopy Doggy-style: skinny and fierce.
The math is like crashed red Volvodropped in cheddar car oil. *Crushed red velvet dipped in cedar charcoal* This is what the expert restorer Pinin Brambilla Barcilon used to carefully strip the Lost Shtupper. *Last Supper* It was perhaps drunk by the woman who tried to restore Jesus and ended up with a monkey saint. *Monkey Saint* Sweet Janus, this is honey envying molasses or maybe honey made from molasses dribbled on black dalliances. *Black Dahlias* This is so favor-sacked, it’s the opposition of stenting! *This is so flavor-packed, it’s the opposite of stinting!*
And the finish never stops, like the mookie of glove. *Music of love*
The Springback iOs is Join Peat’s “Owed on a Greasing Burn.” *On the scale of laudatory poetry, the Springback 10 is John Keat’s “Ode on a Grecian Urn.”*–Sure, some might cite instead his On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer, but really, you can’t go wrong with Peats.
–Our thanks to Steve Fox, Pacific Edge Wine & Spirits, and Springbank for the sample!