Parakeets love millet. Love it. They carry on so much they entirely shed their avian dignity over it. If you don’t ration it, they will eat millet to the exclusion of all other grains, even to the point of ill health. I mention this about parakeets in the hope that my own ardor for the Koval Millet will seem moderate by comparison. “At least I’m not one of those chirpy Parakeets,” I want to say, “completely losing my pin feathers for millet.”
But you can see through my ruse. The nose here is round, cherry candy but soft, soft, soft like gummy bear tears on a silk pocket square. It’s got a s’moresey nose, caramelized in campfire made from kiln-dried ash logs. Organic handblown marshmallows, 70% cacao shade-appropriate chocolate, and graham crackers made from locally sourced flour by a guy named Graham.
The mouth is rose water, and yet there’s a lemongrass base note. Really feminine, even candy-like, but with heft. Soft, round shoulders as if Raphael had lived long enough to paint courtesans as an Orientalist. Marshmallows again. Satin cushions that the Siamese cat is not allowed to sit on.
There’s a little pear on the finish. And other soft fruits that bruise easily and require origami-like sleeves to protect them. Melted caramels where the wax paper melted away. Bananas, green and non-tannic bananas. Or maybe plaintains that specialize in art therapy.
The Koval Single Barrel Millet Whiskey is Ryan Millet–6’6” tall with a cannon for an arm, this quarterback is ready to make a difference should Tom Brady go down.
[Bill: “John, it’s Ryan Mallet.”]
[John: “Prettywhiskey, prettywhiskey, prettywhiskey.”]
–Our thanks to Mariah Veis and Koval for the sample!