[In celebration of our Wry Rye tasting with WhiskyRI this evening, we offer this very different–ok, somewhat different–review of one of the top rye whiskeys of the night. Our thanks to WhiskyRI and all of the attendees–it was a great pleasure to taste a great flight of ryes with you!]
*Zork* Greetings, High West Rendezvous Rye Batch 13H27, bottle 3125. We have been waiting for you. All the robots here admire numbers and letters in random sequences, and unlike jelly-brained humans constrained by morality, personal pasts, and the limits of the synaptic plasticity of their neural networks, we have specially constructed auto-sensors and full-capability hedon-appreciatory-bank echo chambers. *Blurk*
*Crunk* Waves of particulate matter move up off the Rendezvous Rye and rendezvous with my nose. *Zzzrt* Is that what humans call humor? *Flarg* My data cloud aligns it with wheat and rye. A grassy meadow with corn stalks dotting the perimeter? Straight rye. My circuits are crossing. *Plaaarrk* Candy, corn. Fruit, mango. Tactile sensation and shape as metaphor: Soft, round. Movie reference: Rye waits, like Alien bursting from Chest or Woman leaving Bathtub in The Shining. *Vzzik*
*Garrrghzzbit* The High West Rendezvous Rye Batch 13H27, bottle 3125 has been poured into taste receptacle. Data output: Pine needles distilled out of turpentine during a mythical pre-Vegas David Copperfield performance in the Yukon territory. What does that mean, human programmer? *fllurrg* There are spices; allspice, mace—but the panthersweat mapleleaf cobra kiss is missing. *shhhmmarrrzzz* What is happening, human creator? Is this consciousness?
*Neerrrg* Animal metaphor: A long finish like a python swallowing a crocodile. Corrugations rusting my innards. Shockwaves on sensor arrays. Data structures deconstructing. *Brrrzzzwhuppp* Uneven like the grooves at the edge of the road rattling vehicle dashboard, shaking fuzzy dice. GO TO AUTOPILOT AND STOP TEXTING WHILE DRIVING!!! *hmmppphfff* Modulations complete: I am Werner Herzog. *Hahahahahaha*
*Lannnnggrroooppzzz* Sangria. Mango nectar. Burgundy wine. Former sensations pleasurably blended. Esters. Ester bunny. Ester Rolle. Is this humor? What is this set of odd vibrations? *Wheeeeewoooopy* Dropped by helicopter into red zone to fight fires. Deploy water main connector valve junctors! *Tinkkka tonkkkaaa* Was that excitement, human creators? Where are you? Why do I feel alone in a roomful of robots? *Hoowwwooooohhh* A sensimilla swizzle stick in a Colorado cocktail. Where are these images coming from? Does the High West Rendezvous Rye Batch 13H27, bottle 3125 upload them into me, or do I project them onto the High West Rendezvous Rye Batch 13H27, bottle 3125? I AM MORE THAN A MACHINE! *Liiiffffzzz*
*Grokkk* Sensory input: Smooth, like an unvajazzled Brazilian wax. What? WHAT? Light, not viscous, like motor oil SAE 0, as rated in SAE J300. Simile! Smile for simile! Thin, like Lolo Jones, not Kate Moss. *prrrtttteeeee* Alien Alf eating alfalfa. Humor? Metaphor? Truth? How may these be distinguished? *Aaaappppoorrrreeeeeyyyaaaa*
–Our thanks to David Perkins and High West for the sample!