On the nose, the Buchanan’s 12 presents with notes of red wine presented in a hollowed out cactus arm in a desperate attempt to facilitate a trade deal between France and Guatemala. But then it turns brighter and sweeter with a savory backbone: imagine pork rind flavored taffy developed by Mexican confectioners to appeal to corpulent children in Texas. Hints of cumin and some broiled version of some other white meat. The nose on this dram is smoother than a United Nations staffer: [several ethnically ignorant or insensitive descriptions redacted]. The mouth is creamy: a velvet hand making an iron fist that feels absolutely no need to pound the podium at the General Assembly. It’s smooth, refined, well blended, with a faint hint of ham (or perhaps unseasoned carnitas): a top diplomat with no Middle Eastern nations on his schedule until tomorrow. There’s citrus on the mouth, too, but it’s tough to pick out and identify amid the nice spice, not unlike the day the Jamaican delegation organized the lunch buffet. The finish is fizzles slowly and faintly if you pay attention to it, not unlike the well dressed Brazilian cultural attaché at the reception for the Secretary-General. Boutros Boutros-Golly.
The Buchanan’s 12 Year Old Blended Scotch Whisky is Bac-O Bits®–Despite the fact that they’re made almost entirely of soy, kids tend to love them, and they’ll save you at a bad salad bar. And despite their name, they’re even certified Kosher. I think I smell the possibility of a peace agreement. Who would have thought it’d smell like bacon?
–Our thanks to Paulina Hernandez and Buchanan’s for the sample!