I’m in a myrtle garden, surrounded by John’s turbo-goats who are eating grasses, herbs, and the rinds of a dwarf variety of the Seville orange tree so fast that I’m surrounded, as it were, by swirling wisps of honey-smoke rising up from the sheer velocity and ferocity of the goats’ eating. The wisps nose (obviously) as grass used as kindling, sun-stricken hay, and bergamot tea. I walk through a light mist of sherry butt ambergris musk like Tyra Banks leaning forward into green tea leaves crushed by Chippendale dancers, all lit under a cut smoky quartz crystal candelabra; it’s elegant, dark, and mysterious while also being clear, precise, and tinkly. In other words, a typical day in the Malt Cave.
The mouth is filled with titanic tannic towers of Babel made from pre-masticated willow bark. Stephen got redwood phloem and John wanted to pick a fight with Wesley Crusher, the slender boy genius of Star Trek (The Next Generation). Water bulges the body out so that it’s now spheroidical (before you say anything John, I know that’s not a word), herbaceous, and a tall milkshake of yum, wow, and pow.
The finish invokes a spell of black peppercorns steeped in existential despair, a fat sparrow unwilling to fly away from its birdbath, gladiolas pressed through a rough-hewn black walnut sieve into a Notre Dame gargoyle, and a sandpiper’s skinny legs. Then, with water, it’s a robust, rounded, juicy plum/persimmon hybrid; attractive as a film noir femme fatale on a train and lingering like the kiss you got in which she nipped at your tongue before walking forever out of your life without once looking back over her shoulder.
On the scale of imaginary foods fun to imagine, à la Italo Calvino–
The Wigle Deep Cut Organic Rye Whiskey, 20 Months Old, Batch #24 is dehydrated water–You’ll need to add water to your powder to reconstitute your water! In all seriousness, this can be drunk without water, but it’s difficult to parse or conceive. Add water, and a universe of the new opens up, begging to be explored.
–Our thanks to Wigle for the sample!