For the specials of the evening, we have a starter we call “Ball and paddle sans ball.” It’s the smell of a paddle from a child’s ball and paddle set, as the name suggests, from which the rubber ball has been long missing, though its past smacking against the paddle has left a haunting residue our other guests have found oddly alluring. That’s followed by another appetizer called “Industrial mushroom.” It’s a machine oiled, large scale, beefy mushroom served with orca slime candies and a sealed bell jar containing sherry belches and the last breath of a wino. Quite intense–and gets mankier the longer you enjoy it, not unlike a red squirrel stuck in your clothes drier vent.
As a main, we have Filet of Jicama. It’s a perfectly roasted vegetable “steak” stuffed with perfectly roasted hazelnuts, coated with cedar shavings, and drizzled with crème anglaise, which we also call “Freedom Cream” for our sensitive conservative American guests. It’s served with leeks in a champagne mustard reduction. Lovely.
To finish, we have our “Mineral Pescata,” which is a beautifully obsidian-encrusted tilapia served with garlic that has been soaked in red wine which itself was previously used to marinate a porterhouse steak. Delightful.
Please, take your time, and I’ll come back to check in with you in a few minutes.
The Benrinnes 21 Year 2014 Limited Edition is Monty Python’s “The Restaurant Sketch”–A bit unexpected at first, but then makes its intentions clear. Though it goes about where you’d expect it to go by the end, that fact does nothing to take away from its enjoyment.
–Our thanks to Diageo for the sample!