Recently, you may have seen that Glenmorangie sold the Scotch Malt Whisky Society to a group of private investors. The purported reason was that Glenmorangie Co. wanted to spend more time with its single malts. Lest you think that this sounds oddly reminiscent of the reasoning ousted CEOs provide when they “resign,” we’re here to set the record straight. It was a private sale, after all, and we don’t have any reporting requirements like all of you suckers in the publicly traded realm do.
The reason they sold the SMWS is because we made them an offer they couldn’t refuse. That’s right: boatloads and boatloads of used CDs. But we did have to throw in the Malt Cave. Those LVMH guys were crazy about having it as a place to store champagne. Fine, we said. The Vaults will serve as an adequate substitute. Plus, we don’t need the Malt Cave’s high-tech ferret nursery any longer: we’re on to otters now. Queen Street will be repurposed as the new global headquarters for our S-Corp/offshore money laundering facility, which we have named Snark Industries. Oh, and ladies, take note: John will be commandeering the London tasting rooms to use as his new bachelor pad.
So find your favorite SMWS code number, snuggle up tight to it, and then kiss it goodbye, because it’s all our whisky now!