The Exclusive Blend, 1991 21 yr 92 proof noses like an Arabian steed, tethered to Stonehenge, made out of 80% single origin chocolate and kirschwasser. That is to say, it evokes explosiveness restrained, and, er, chocolate and cherries. There’s subtlety, almost a David Blaine-esque trickery and misdirection; milkweed, walnut puzzle box, warm turquoise, Farrah Fawcett’s blown-dry hair. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be smelling, except that like napalm in the morning, it smells like victory. After more time, caramel-covered velvet leg warmers once worn by Anna Pavlova. A faint lemon-ester-y shadow in the air, like someone had recently played a Pussy Riot cover of Peter, Paul, and Mary’s cover of Will Holt’s “Lemon Tree.”
The mouth is glorious oak, ex-Bourbon, ex-Carolingian, and even ex-Merovingian (those are some old casks, mmmm). Smooth—really, frictionless—but full-bodied, a plus-size model that would make you the envy of your friends. Rich, like Bill Gates before he got married, had kids, and became charitable and interested in the future. Potentate-rich. Richie Rich rich. (Which is different than Anchor Man’s “Scotchy scotch scotch.”)
The finish is closing a deal with Bill Gates (circa 1998), selling him your 3-month old start-up (5 employees) for a cool 27 million dollars. Which is to say, cause for a celebration that will rock your loft until the morning light. The finish goes on and on—it’s hard to believe this is a blend—opening up new vistas, like swinging around curves on Space Mountain. Also like Space Mountain, it keeps on going, at times leaving you in the dark, at times screaming in shock and joy, and other times igniting you to use “rollercoaster” as metaphor for “your life.” And it keeps on going, all the way into the strategically-placed gift shop at the end, and you begging your parents for a t-shirt that says, “I drank 30ml of The Exclusive Blend on Space Mountain.” And it still goes on.
The Exclusive Blend 21 Year 1991 from The Exclusive Malts is, to quote from the website, the “enormous Megablender Frozen Beverage Machine. This blender dispenser is over 6 feet tall. The refrigerated system features paristoltic pumps that can dispense six different products into the jar. It also features a monitoring system that keeps track of the ice and product levels. This extraordinary machine has a retail price of $22,105.” Fortunately The Exclusive Blend can be found for less.
–Our thanks to Sam Filmus and ImpEx for the sample!